It’s a terrible feeling isn’t it? When you love and care about someone so deeply but you’re just not feeling it back anymore.
Going back a little, you used to drop everything you were doing or at least quickly finish it up so that you can go be where you are needed. Needed by someone you have poured your heart out to. Someone you have let your guard down to. Someone you trust to be the one to have you no matter what happens.
You did it because it made you happy.
All of a sudden, that relationship had to be broken. It wasn’t because you didn’t love each other or stopped caring, but because you knew that if you had gone on, it would be a disaster. Maybe because you can’t be open anymore. You can’t be fully honest with them. You start to hide things from them. All because you cared too much to hurt them knowing that whatever it was you were hiding, would hurt them.
This is a best-case scenario, where two people decided to call it quits on the relationship but continue to build on the friendship that was there all along.
Still, you soon realize that you can’t say or tell them everything that’s going on with you. You’re still afraid that it might still hurt them or worse, you’re afraid that they just don’t care anymore to give a reaction. That would hurt you and your expectations.
Still, you care a lot about that person. You go on to hang out with them because they still make you feel happy. You would even help them out if they needed help and you even offer to help when they don’t say a thing about it. All because, you still feel happy to do it for them.
They say exes can’t be friends, but you don’t want to believe that. You’re too positive about friendship and all that love could never just disappear or so you think. You keep telling yourself that it is all good as long as you respect their space, and they respect your time.
Eventually that can either build up as a good thing over time or it can go down a spiral in just a few minutes. How can this happen? It was all good, right?
What if you didn’t think that they wanted to break up and hope that eventually you’ll grow apart from each other? What if they were just giving you time to adjust to not being together anymore? What if they are just waiting for you to move on and let them go? What if all that they ever wanted was to see you be happy without them?
How could that be, right?
Someone who is as positive and hopeful as you are, will not understand the kindness that this person showing you. They loved and cared for you as much as you did for them. However, they understood the reality and loved you too much to hurt you with what they hope for the future to be.
So, they start to do things slowly that will create more distance between the two of you. They would gently let you down, like say to doing something you usually enjoy doing together. They would even go silent for a while, hoping that you won’t try to contact them for a day, then two and maybe even weeks. They too want to have a friendship with you, but perhaps one that is distant and not constant.
During this time, you’ll start to feel uneasy, worried, sometimes hurt but mostly, insecure of losing this person completely. At this time too, this person is hiding from the world that they know that you exist in for fear that you could say or do something that could hurt them. They are waiting for you to go through that process of losing them, while they too struggle to get past that process themselves.
You’ll start to feel as if you’re not yourself anymore that you need to find yourself again. You were happy with them and for them. But now, you’re not anymore. You feel as though they’re hurting you on purpose, but you haven’t the slightest idea of how they’re hurting too.
You want to be happy again. You’re contemplating if you should beg that person to bring back your happiness. But you’re scared that it could bring you deeper sadness. At this time, you will soon realize that this person does not make you happy anymore. In fact, they make you feel sad from lost hope and selfish expectations.
Now, you can truly move on. You won’t even lose their friendship. Neither of you have said or done anything to hurt each other in the process. You have both finally given pure honesty and respect to one another. More importantly, you have both learn to have self-respect, embrace self-love and practice self-care.
You were once happy with them and shared it with them. Someday, you’ll remember and share the memories with them again. Now your happiness is your own. Don’t let that go.
